So it was a rather unremarkable Wednesday. The man was off work, and he and the boys were in the back doing yardwork. Something with ratchet straps and the clubhouse and I really just try to stay out of these things and make sure they have enough water to drink. Anyhow, I thought I would be a good Betty Homemaker. So I pulled out my shortbread pan, and mixed up some oatmeal shortbread.
It’s the simplest recipe ever. 1 cup flour, 3 tbsp. sugar, 1 stick of butter. Mix flour and sugar, and cut in butter. Add 1/3 cup rolled oats. Bake at 325 for 20-25 minutes. The edges should be a nice golden brown. Immediately after removing it from the oven, spread one cup of butterscotch chips over the top. As they melt, smooth them out. Let cool and then enjoy. Shortbread is love, right?

Let me tell you about this shortbread pan. For like three years I admired it at the Scottish Festival. But it was pricey to me, and I couldn’t justify it. But finally the man said (well shouted actually) “Just buy it!!!” He argued that I made shortbread regularly, it would make me happy, all that rot. He was right. So I finally bought it.

Being the happy domestic diva that I was yesterday, I was getting ready to run up to the store. It was nearly lunchtime and Publix had fresh pineapple on sale. And the boys love nothing more than fresh pineapple. So I went to check on the yardworkers, and the man asked if I could make some iced tea.

This is when things got dicey.

I figured I should make the tea before I went to the store, so it would have time to cool. So I filled a pan with water, turned the burner on high, set a timer for five minutes, and came to check some things on the computer. The sight that greeted me in five minutes was kind of horrifying. I must tell you that I didn’t smell or hear *anything* during those five minutes. The only reason I got up from my chair was the dinging of the timer.

As I entered the kitchen I saw about 10-12 inch flames shooting from the stove. I had turned on the wrong burner! The one that had the cooling shortbread on it! The kitchen was filled with billowing smoke and my beloved shortbread pan was cracking into pieces before my very eyes. I quickly doused the fire, and opened up the house to start getting the smoke out. When I finally got to Publix I ended up spending $35 on Vanilla Febreeze candles, but the house still has a faint tinge of smoke to it.

Oh and you were wondering about the shortbread?

And yes, this seems to be a trend. The prosecution presents exhibit A : the panbowl, and exhibit B: the pie made of fail.