I realize that taste is subjective. Especially when it comes to food. Odd things I love would turn other people’s stomachs and vice versa. I for one will never understand the urge to slide raw oysters down one’s throat. *shudder* But certain things most people agree are gross. Like this.
It doesn’t look that bad, does it? It starts off innocent enough. Half a banana, a cup of orange juice, some whey powder… but then it’s fiber time. Lots of fiber. Cardboard refrigerator boxes of fiber. Psyllium husks, wheat germ, ground flaxseeds, chia seeds… and I’m pretty sure the chia seeds are the same thing you use to grow “hair” on those clay faces – ch-ch-ch-chia! Then you add 600mg of fish oil. Ok, it sounds pretty bad now, yes? But I trust the good doctor. Trust with a capital T. Like even when I don’t believe anything anyone says about nutrition, I believe him.
So I blended it up. I added the 3 optional ice cubes – because cold is better for these sorts of things. And I took a sip. I shuddered. I vurped in my mouth a bit. But I was naive. I trusted the doctor. I thought maybe it just needed to be colder. So I stuck it in the freezer for 5 minutes. I tasted it again. I realized that there was no way I was ever gonna be able to stomach that concoction. So instead I took more pictures of it.
It congealed. Like into gelatinous, gritty, slimy sludge. And yes, the spoon is being held up by the “smoothie”.
Now wait, you may be saying. Maybe I let it set too long. But no…. the article with the recipe had a lovely lady who claimed she made a big batch of it at the beginning of the week and drank it all week long. She’s got to be kidding me. By the way, does my smoothie look anything like the “tasty concoction” in the magazine? I don’t think so.
Wait, you gotta see the action shot. Yeah. How’s that for an appetite suppressant? Maybe that’s how it helps you lose weight. Dr. Oz, I will never trust you again. Tasty my ass. Ooh, wait, maybe that’s what it tastes like.
So today is Day One. With capital letters even. I started my training for the 3-Day Breast Cancer walk with a solid hour of walking. Ok, so I had a cupcake for lunch instead of the sludgy shake of doom. But I walked for an hour!
And just for the record I completely disposed of the shake. Because I’m pretty sure it would take form and come and eat me in my sleep if I left it in the cup overnight.